Every Goal Comes With Certain Challenges...

Recently, I was encouraged by one of my best friends Nic, to use my blog as a way to record all of the emotions, experiences, boredoms, goods, bads, kind-ofs, and anything really, of moving to a completely different environment than what I am used too.  This is a good idea, and one that is going to take multiple entries.  The challenge with this is that I have just moved to a place with no internet...so I am going to have to write these posts in the Library, McDonalds, and Chik-fil-A.  This translates to less than frequent posts...but I will try my best.

A current problem that I am facing is the issue of a job.  I know that I am a valuable addition to any company.  But they don't seem to know that.  In fact, people don't even give me the chance of an interview or even a second email sometimes.  This is so FRUSTRATING!  This is not my parents job market.  I have been born in an age where employers DON'T want you to call them, or contact them, to check on the process of your resume at all.  Apparently, it is too stressful and chaotic for them to deal with the onslaught of calls, emails, and walk-ins, that will occur from their job post.  And apparently, they don't understand how stressful and chaotic it is not to know the status of your employment for that particular company when the bills are starting to become a reality and you NEED a job.  If I am ever in charge of hiring someone, I will call them if they didn't get the job.

* This has nothing to do with this post...but I rather large lady just walked by in the McDonald's I am sitting in...and I would just like to remind people that leggings ARE NOT pants.  No matter what size you are.  *

Ok...back to the topic at hand.  I finally got an interview.  With a company I don't even remember applying too, that somewhat pertains to what I got a degree in.  I was so excited!  And nervous.  I am pretty sure I tried on every combination of clothes in my closet to see what would be the best interviewing outfit (I have had to make adjustments for looking professional in really hot weather).  I wore my black pumps because I feel really grown up and professional in them, I had my hair pull back out of my face so I wouldn't have to mess with it at all during the interview.  I had a list of questions for the interviewer.  I reviewed standard interview questions that might be asked.  I was prepared.  I lost my appetite, which always happens when I get nervous, but I ate anyway.  I gave myself a pep talk all day.  I was confident and knew I could get it.

I went to the interview...

And it went really well.  The man didn't ask me any of the questions I had prepared for.  It felt more like a conversation with a friend.  I appreciated this...it helped settle my nerves a little bit.  The man was from Ohio, which is my sworn enemy, but in this case, it was nice to talk to someone with midwest experiences who knew that challenges of moving to a new state and looking for a job.  I was feeling pretty confident when I left.  He told me he would contact me next week for a second interview OR to tell me that I didn't get the job.  I left thinking that this is the first place I have interviewed at that I would do well working there.  Do well meaning, talent and ability wise as well as environment and personality wise.  I believe that I would fit right in working there.  These are all great things!  The closer I got to home though, the less confident I felt.  A feeling of dread came over me.  Any number of people could be great at this job.  They could have more experience than me, and my resume would be absolutely nothing compared to someone else.  Which is totally true.  Like I said, I know I would be a great asset to a company....

I got to thinking...which is something I do...why do I lose all confidence in myself the moment a challenge arises?  I mean, I am a pretty confident women when it comes to daily activities.  I know that God created me to be special and unique and am wonderfully made.  I love this about myself.  I love that in today's society, God has allowed me to get to a point that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, that there is something and someone special planned for my life.  I am glad that I love myself enough NOT to settle for anything except that special plan for my life.  And yet, I doubt my abilities still.  What if my special plan includes hard times and trials and things I could never plan for?  I know it will.  Our lot as Christians is to suffer hardship and trials and unplanned things, because we serve a God who goes against the grain of society.  Our goal as Christians is to trust  and believe that God has our life in His hands and He will not let us go.  In this respect, we are able to be JOYFUL even in those hard times of life.  We are joyful because we trust that God is taking care of everything.  He sees the plan for our entirely lives.  He knew this plan even before we existed.  And He has planned everything for our betterment...even if it doesn't seem that way at the current moment.  I know these truths.  I believe these truths.  I hold on to these truths on a daily basis it seems.  I pray and remind myself that God loves me and that He has a plan for me.  And in the end...I still have a hard time of letting go of my life to let God work His magic.  In the end...I forsake all of the truths I know to give way to a stressful day of worry and uncertainty and stupidness.  It sounds contradictory, and it really is.  How can a person know these great attributes of a God she serves and still forget them on a daily basis?  It is so lame!  And it aggravates me to no end.  I was talking to my dad about this and all he said was "Welcome to humanity".  I think he would have said more, but my brother's dog ate grass and was getting sick.  Basically, this means humanity sucks.  I don't think that I have ever been so sure of this.  We are eternally separated from God.  We totally deserve this.  We are sinners and He is not.  One day we will be with Him and not be separated from His presence.  We will no longer worry about happens to us because we will be eternally with Him.  I also know that the reason He died for me was to bring some of that relationship to us on earth.  As Sara Groves says "I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with You in person, and hear what You're saying, but right now, I think Your whispering".  That relationship is open to me, and I take advantage of that.  Not as often as I could, but I am getting better.  But I am a human, and to some extent, I will never  fully get to a point of fully being able to give everything over to Him.  I will get better, I already am from four years ago, and I will grow in wisdom and knowledge as I study His words.  But I think I will always struggle with letting Him control my life.  I think I do eventually, but I imagine that it is like pulling teeth.

All of that to say, with this interview, I can be confident in the knowledge that Christ has it all taken care of, or I can freak out about whether or not I will get the job that I want.  Mostly, that freaking out comes from wondering if this is the job that I have been waiting for God to provide, or is it not?  If it isn't, can my emotions really handle another rejection and a continuing of my job hunt?  Am I ready to start over looking for a job?  I don't really know the answers to those questions.  I know the answers that I should have.  I know that Proverbs 4 tells me that if I am growing in Christ, my will will become more attuned to His, and eventually I will not even have to look to the left or right, just in front of me.  My decision will be made so clear to me because of the relationship I have with Christ.  I can't wait for that day to happen!  Until then, I just have to wait for an answer to show itself.  I will wait for that call from the company, and I will greet their response to me with the grace and dignity that I have developed.  And I will pray my butt off that God will show me the thing He wants me to do and that He will remind me that He is daily in control of my life and in the lives of all the people that I interact with.  And I will pray remembering that even if I were to choose the wrong option, that His grace and mercy will cover me and  He will never forsake me.

Before I left home, my family prayed around me and anointed my head with oil.  I sobbed the entire time...but one of the passages that my dad read was Psalms 23.  I have a song version of it too and I have found it to be of some comfort in the situations that I have come across while I have been down here.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

3 He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

I realize that this might be more information than you were wanting to read, and it might even be more information that I wanted to give.  I just had to write what I was thinking out.  As always, prayer is encouraged as well as comments or observations.  Has anyone else ever though about this?