- The church SHOULD be a place that embraces people for what they are and what they could be through Christ.
- It SHOULD be a place where a person can feel free to be themselves and struggle with what they struggle with and not be afraid of being shunned.
- It SHOULD be a place of love and acceptance, knowing that we are all sinners and knowing that God loves us despite that.
- It SHOULD be the first place a person new to town can go to meet people.
- It SHOULD have solid biblical teaching and a humble atmosphere of worship and reflection.
- It SHOULD be a place where we can participate in holy traditions like communion and baptism and rejoice in the fact that Jesus died for us so we can live freely and without guilt.
- It SHOULD be a very visible example of how God loves us.
- It SHOULD reach out to its community to prove to those that don't believe, that there is a God who cares about them EVEN if they don't believe in that God.
These are the things the church SHOULD be. And more probably.
Now...I would like to share about my experiences in church hunting. I have talked to quite a few people about this and they seem to be clueless to the fact that this is happening in their own church. I want to share about what it's like to leave your family and move somewhere by yourself and to find yourself in this position looking for a church. It is so important, I fall into this category too, so this is just as much an eyeopener for me as it hopefully is for you.
First of all, probably 80% of my friends have lived in the same city for their whole lives. This is fine and dandy, I am glad they have found a place that they love and have people that love them. I really am. I, however, have not stayed in any one place longer than a year in the last 6 years. I have not had a home church since my junior year in high school. That is 8 years! 8 years of drifting! That is a long time to have no set community. Add that to leaving your family and moving halfway across the country. So, here goes...
You desperately long for a place to love you like your family does, or at the very to least be a mediocre friend to you, so you hop in your car on Sunday and you drive to the church you have researched (fully through google). You wear you best dress (to make a good impression), sit in a central location (because you arrive early), place your bible on the seat next to you, cross your legs, read the bulletin, look up to see if anyone else besides the sound guy has arrived, notice that at least 20 people are in the building now, also realize that none of them have come over to say "hi" (because they are talking to their friends), think that you might be putting off an unapproachable vibe (even though in your head this is just ridiculousness), uncross your legs, put your bible in your lap so someone can sit next to you if they choose, wait five more minutes, finally get up the courage to talk to someone, ask a question, get a one word answer, figure they really just didn't want to talk to you, the music starts playing, too late to talk to anyone again, look up from the order of the service to realize that NOT ONE PERSON has even sat in your row!
...
I realize that is the biggest run on sentence know to man...but can you imagine going through that every Sunday...alone! It sucks! Do I smell? Am I weird and my loved ones aren't telling me? Am I being offensive coming to church by myself? What is it? I would really like to know. What if I wasn't a Christian? I would never come back to church again. I am a Christian and I still don't want to go back to church! Is it just me, or is this awful!?!
I have to say, this wasn't just one experience either. It happened 98% of the time (and a couple times I was WAY underdressed at a very conservative church. I think they only talked to me because I was their mission.) What the HECK people! I think a lot of people don't even realize that they are doing this. At first, I took it personally, but I really do think it is unintentional. That being said, can we maybe try to be a little more intentional with our responses to people? Especially new people? Maybe try to be a little more empathetic? There are times when I went to a new church and the only people I had talked to all week were my parents hundreds of miles away. On those days, all I wanted was someone to sit next to. Fine, don't even say anything, but sit next to me. A fellow believer, and your sister. Maybe treat me like you would want your sister to be treated if she were alone in an unfamiliar place. Maybe try to see me as a person that has a valuable place in the body of Christ with important gifts and passions. A person with a unique make up of ideas from the places she has been. A person who longs to have a body of people who aren't related to her, show her love and compassion, and maybe give me a hug. And to worship with those people on a weekly basis. I have wanted that for 8 years!
SO....Good news!....
I have found a church! One that I seem to fit well with. I spent my morning and night with people that made me laugh and valued my thoughts and ideas. They seemed to think I was hilarious. That is always a good sign. It is a small church. I small family oriented church that has people suggest hymns just like Thanksgiving at grandma's house. You can just feel the love. Literally...it is like walking into home. I cried all the way home, I was so thankful! Of all the churches in Charlotte, I stumbled upon this one. A tiny, seemingly insignificant, church nestled into the woods. In that alone I see God's hand working in my life. Suddenly, stinky Charlotte just got a lot sweeter. Praise God!
Great post! I think everybody should be forced to go visiting churches at some point, just for this experience!
ReplyDeleteThe last time I visited a church - which I often do in the evenings or in the morning before going to my home church here - I was the only person in my row in a church which was otherwise full and I didn't get a hello from anybody on the rows around me. It's just not in the mentality in larger churches to say hello to people. This is one reason I like small churches, I've almost never gone into a small church and not come out having met nearly everybody in the place (and by small I mean usually less than 100 people, much more than that and it gets easier and easier for people to just sortof ignore you). The downside with smaller churches is that there is almost never anybody in my age-range there - actually, today I just helped a guy pack who's moving to Florida, which now officially makes me the only non-married person in my church.
I also think there is a major problem in the modern church that they just don't know how to approach or what to do with single people in the church (beyond maybe making a singles/young adult Sunday School class*), everything is geared towards married couples. I imagine that if I get this feeling as a guy training for the ministry - it gives them some small idea of how to approach me, but only just - it must be even worse for a girl who's visiting. I really don't think the church knows what to do with unmarried girls.
On a random note, dress is another issue, and it's one thing a few of the more 'postmodern' churches are getting right. More than once I've found myself regretting the fact that there are people who I would feel weird about inviting to my church, just because I know they would automatically feel awkward. It did - and still does - deeply trouble me when I think about the fact that there are people who I couldn't in practicality invite to my church no matter how well-intentioned the people there are.
*the last time I went to one of these there were only two other people my age there, and then nearly a dozen older folks who served alternately as the leaders of the class - really, if you're going to have a class for singles/young adults, don't fill it with old married people...