In the past, I have almost always missed out in the love department on this particular day. In fifth grade, the most eccentric guy in my class left a teddy bear, chocolates, and a rose on my desk at recess. When I came back in I saw them AND him kneeling by my desk to see if I would be his Valentine. Looking back, I am ashamed to say I ran out of the room crying. I was so embarrassed. That Valentine's day I learned how to receive things I didn't ask for with grace and sincerity. Fast forward to Senior year of High School...I am in my favorite class and I get six roses delivered to me. I was really flattered, truly I was, and then I saw who they were from. Remembering my lesson from years ago, I walked up to the skittish young man and thanked him for my flowers. Well, he must have seen that as a green light because a few days later I got a phone call to see if I would go on a date with him. And I did...but it was a little out of pity. Plus, I had NEVER been on a date before, so I was a little taken by surprise. Anyway, that date was atrocious. We like to call this particular guy "Air Guitar Man". That is all I am saying. I learned to not lead guys on to thinking they had a chance when they really didn't. In college, I was blessed to have met a guy and, I'm not going to lie, I was so excited to FINALLY be able to celebrate Valentine's Day...legitimately. Unfortunately, he was pretty much the least romantic guy I could have been with. At least I had a guy this time, right? Wrong...I was so miserable because I didn't feel like I meant anything to him. I started to see that it was okay for me to be romantic. Last Valentine's Day, this guy and I were no longer together, and I was so upset about that, I didn't really care at all. I was single, I was having more fun than I had in years, I was surrounded by friends, and the thought of spending the holiday alone slipped wonderfully right on by.
This year however, I am still single. I have friends down here, but not my old friends who know my quirks and romantic nature, they are new friends. And while these new friends are great, I can't help but feel like I want to be surrounded by people who know and love me for me. I am not even surrounded by my family. In the past I have at least had them, they know how to take my mind off of the fact that I am alone. I did get a Valentine from my daddy however, with money to buy some really nice chocolate for myself. This year it is blatantly obvious that I am alone. For some reason this year just feels suckier than any of the other years. I know this is a problem. I should not be this sad over a holiday. I should not be this sad over my singleness. I should embrace where I am right now in my life and use this period of reasonably small responsibility to help others, do things I won't be able to do later when I am not single, and enjoy what God has me doing right now. At least that is what every Christian source tells me to do. They are not bad suggestions. I try hard to do them. And then I find myself doing those things alone...again, and I get sad...again. I typically can work through this struggle because I know I am waiting for someone amazing! I look forward to that someday! On the same token, if there is one day that my melancholy will take center stage, it will be today because that somebody has not come yet.
Enough of my pity party...I want to share a section from a book I received for Christmas. It is called Phantastes by George MacDonald and it is a romance of sorts for men and women. I read the whole thing and then in the last chapter the character had the most amazing revelation. It encourages me to keep to what I know is the right thing to do and to wait patiently (and cheerfully) for what God has in store for my life. I hope it does the same for you!
"It was evening. The sun was below the horizon; but his rosy beams yet illuminated a feathery cloud, that floated above the world. I arose, I reached the cloud; and throwing myself upon it, floated with it in sight of the sinking sun. He sank, and the cloud grew gray; but the grayness touched not my heart. It carried its rose hue within; for now I could love without needing to be loved again. The moon came gliding up with all the past in her wan face. She changed my couch into a ghostly pallor, and threw all the earth below as to the bottom of a pale sea of dreams. But she could not make me sad. I knew now, that it is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can came nearest the soul of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the loving of each other, and not the being loved by each other, that originates, and perfects, and assures their blessedness. I knew that love gives to him that loveth, power over any soul beloved, even if that soul know him not, bringing him inwardly close to that spirit; a power that cannot be but for good; for in proportion as selfishness intrudes, the love ceases, and the power which springs therefrom dies. Yet all love will, one day, meet with its return. All true love will, one day, behold its own image in the eyes of the beloved, and be humbly glad."
Please take the time to tell the people you love, that you love them. They will appreciate it I am sure :)
Here are some pictures of people I love the most!
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